Hey guys and (if any) girls...

Sorry i have not been posting and such, i have been caught up with lots of school work. I was wondering if any of you could peer edit my history essay or at least comment on whats good and whats not. Ill post it when i am finish.

Oh ya its an essay on the thirteen English colonies. Sorry to the mods or who ever would be concerned if i have posted this in an inappropriate place. i could not think of another topic to post it under.

Thanks, Donkey545....

Please note this is the first draft. I am hoping that you can help me with the conclusion. i'm always weak with that....Oh ya this is due tomorrow (9/7/07) so ignore this thread if it is beyond that date...and i present du dadada!!! the master piece..

It is a compare and contrast...




During the seventeenth and eighteenth century several colonies were develop by English settlers. The colonies all started similarly, plagued by diseases, land disputes and many other issues. These thirteen colonies, though similar in some ways, had their own specific reasons for being founded.

The Thirteen colonies can be separated into two vague categories of reasons for being founded. The first main group of colonies is colonies that wanted to escape religious persecution. These colonies wished to escape the religious hand-hold that the Church of England. The second group contains the colonies that were made or taken for one benefit or another.

Colonies that wanted to gain religious included the following: Massachusetts, Maryland, Delaware, Pennsylvania, New Hampshire, Connecticut, and Rhode Island. Although all of these colonies shared the same want for religious freedom, they differed in some ways. The colonies Massachusetts, Rhode Island, and Connecticut were all puritan founded colonies yet they were different colonies for a reason. Massachusetts was the first of the three to be founded. People who disagreed with the local religious beliefs were not accepted in society.

These people had to leave the colony. Rhode Island was a result of these religious differences. Although Rhode Island differed in religious beliefs, the colonies were nearly identical in their imports and exports. All industries that were dominant in Massachusetts were dominant In Rhode Island. Connecticut was founded on a similar concept. While Rhode Island was made only for religious differences, the settlers of Connecticut also believed that the laws of Massachusetts were too strict. New Hampshire was a near copy of Massachusetts. There was no dispute of religion or law involved in New Hampshire’s founding, just an overflow of population. While all of these colonies were founded by puritans, the other religiously founded colonies had different types of religion.

The colonies Maryland, Pennsylvania and Delaware were also made for religious differences, just different ones. Maryland was made as a refuge for Catholics. Before Maryland was founded, there was no colony where Catholicism was practiced without opposition. The Catholic themed colony somewhat failed to attract Catholic settlers. The colony had to compromise by making a complete religious tolerance law. While Maryland was refuge for Catholics, Pennsylvania and Delaware were refuges for Quakers. The main difference between Quakers and puritans is that Quakers believed they did not need the Bible; rather they could get messages directly from God. Other than the obvious religious difference, these two colonies did some things that others had failed to do. The colonies Pennsylvania and Delaware succeeded in making a peaceful relationship with native and attracted new settlers from the beginning. All of these colonies were founded on a similar concept yet still retained their differences.

The colonies made for pure benefit to the creating country include Virginia, Georgia, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, and South Carolina. Virginia, the first colony founded was also the first non-religiously oriented colony. The purpose of this colony was to search for riches and a “North-West Passage.” The colony started off quite similar to those that had failed before it. The colony overcame its challenges and went on to be prosperous. Just as Massachusetts had expanded into a second colony, Virginia did the same. The colonies North and South Carolina were expansions of Virginia. The colonies mimicked Virginia’s economic and social patterns. One major difference of the Carolina’s and Virginia is that slave labor was of full popularity when the Carolina’s were made. The introduction of slave labor changed the livelihood of settlers. People came to the Carolina’s as large plantation owners. The climate also changed the produce grown. Virginia had tobacco as a major cash crop while the Carolina’s produced mostly rice.

New York and New Jersey were not originally English colonies. The colonies were originally Dutch owned. As common for the time, the English king had his eye on the settlements. He allowed the Duke of York the opportunity of conquering the colonies. The duke did so. He renamed one settlement New York and gave the other (New Jersey) to some of his associates as a gift. The colonies pulled in much revenue for England.

Georgia had a completely different purpose from all of the other colonies. Georgia was not made for farming or for religious freedom, but to separate English colonies from the Spanish controlled Florida. The colony was filled with the poor and criminals who could not be successful in Britain. The colony survived dying out by the population each having individual farms. Georgia was the most different of all the colonies, yet it still shared one thing with the other colonies: it benefited Britain.
Despite all of the colonies differences and disagreements, there was a time when all of the colonies agreed on one thing. The colonies all believed that the English kings had crossed the line of acceptable restrictions. In the late eighteenth century a series of events lead to all of the colonies complete resentment of British rule. One of these issues was the Stamp Act. The Stamp Act was an attempt by Britain to strictly tax any and all products bought and sold. Only products with a stamp were allowed to be sold. All thirteen colonies united in protest. The Stamp Act and following events such as the Boston Massacre combined with new Enlightenment ideas to create a united body that opposed British rule.

Though the thirteen colonies had different objectives when they were founded, they all came together to agree on one thing. Each of the colonies overcame all of their issues and challenges to end up successful and prosperous. The colonies abilities to set aside their differences lead to revolution. The revolutions lead to resolution. The resolution resulted in the successful and powerful United States of America.

reading is such a drag. the looks of it is good. im not that bored sorry. neaby tommorow?

you did the "WALL OF TEXT" thing in your mind.

Any way i would really appreciate if some one would help me.

I can read it later tonight. When is the draft due? Send it as a Word document to my email so it will be easier to read. tails865@msn.com

it is due tomorrow so if you can reply soon it would nice. I sent the email but i am new to the yahoo mail thing. so don't be surprised if you don't get it...

I already got the email and replied telling you what I changed.

The feedback you gave me was very good. The things i change most were just grammatical errors. (results of rushing and procrastinating...) Also thanks for the extra info. I got the email a little late at night so i could not print out the edited essay...I hope i the teacher will let me pass in the revised version...

Oh ya in you reply you said to attach it as a file. How do you do that? And how did you get an image in your signature?.

Im not really sure how to explain the attach file. It would be easier over AIM. For putting images in your sig just save the image that you want on a photobucket account. Then copy the image code and paste it in your sig

Thanks for the help.

No problem. Tell me what you got on the essay when you get it back.

It was best in the class! This was partly because i actually compared and contrasted in the essay. I revieved an A on it. She even used my essay as an example of what people should have done for organization.

Nice

good job

you may be smarter than i am. nah! im only smart when i want to cus im lazy

WTF?
I mean, this is what your teacher said:
This dude right here had gooood organazation.
If she could read minds this what your teacher would say:
This is an exelent work of procrastination, and online forums.

Haha. These forums help me procrastinate. Everything helps me procrastinate.

Hurray for distractions!! I always do work last minute...By the way I couldn't get te "forum edited version in early enough so i just printed out the rough...so it would just be procrastination..

Nice. I always say I'm gonna do my homework early for stuff that we have multiple days, but I never do.

I always tell myself "well i still have two weeks" then a week later "well i still have a week" then three days later...you get the point. The day before its due I'm like "wtf what happened to those two weeks?"

Well i have been assigned an English assignment. its supposed to be a horror story. Any one want to read??? Please edit or give tips if possible.

10-12-07

“He tortured you… The beatings, you must remember them” said Mr. Hickory. “But…-” said Marcus, being interrupted once more, “You must make him pay, it must be done”

Once again, Marcus found himself talking to a familiar face, he who referred to himself as Mr. Hickory. He often told him to do monstrous things. It was often that he would come to the woods, a tangle of brush and dead wood that seemed eerily fitting. It was seldom you would hear woodland critters living within the gray remnants of dead or diseased trees. It seemed eerily fitting that Marcus would find something as twisted as Mr. Hickory in a setting such as this.

“Mr. Hickory, I just don’t know what I should do.” said Marcus. “Well, do what your heart desires.” responded Mr. Hickory.

Not so many boys had grown up the way Marcus had, a boy without his mother, physically and verbally abused by an alcoholic father. He was the kid you didn’t talk to in class, the kid who sat alone at lunch, the kid you knew wasn’t quite right. Boys said he was crazy, and not all would be wrong, a neglected, mild schizophrenic. Not so many boys would form such odd attachments to strange things as did he.

“It’s not that I hate him, it’s just… I don’t know what I can do to help it,” said Marcus. Mr. Hickory responded once more “Well, you can make him pay for what he’s done.”

“Well, hmmm… I just need some, ah…time I guess,” mumbled Marcus as he prepared to leave for work. He often anticipated going t his job at the “bakery”. It was more of a factory than a bakery. About eighty people worked there, all synchronized like machines, each pumping out their share of generic muffins. Marcus anticipated his going to his job because he could socialize, something he could not do elsewhere. The work usually comforted him in all it’s monotonous glory; it helped him clear his mind, but not today.
• • •

Returning from his work, Marcus was completely worn physically and mentally. He walked into his rickety old apartment exhausted, took of his shoes, and fell onto his bed. Immediately falling asleep, he dreamed of life, his life. Memories flooded him:

Towering above him he stood. His father stood in a drunken stoop reeking of rum. The terrible man bellowed commands at Marcus, striking horror in him with each drunken, slurred word. “Git up bo-hic’-boy! I, I say git up ya’ tramp.” The man shouted while he kicked Marcus. “Ya’ never lis’n. Worthless scum, tha’s what you are, wor’tless sc…” The man's rant was cut short by the shatter of the half full bottle of rum that crashed into Marcus’s head…

Marcus woke. Cold and covered in sweat he woke with a fearful gasp for breath. The night’s terror drove him to the decision. He would kill his father. “But how?” he asked aloud, not expecting an answer.

“Try the tool shed” said Mr. Hickory

Marcus, at first surprised by the reply, nodded and began walking out his door. Three flights of stairs he walked down, each step building his determination. As he neared the exit he was stopped. His neighbor, an old woman greeted him with a cheerful smile and a wave. For some reason Marcus became clouded in paranoia and tried to avoid the woman. But she walked to him, and of all things, offered him a cookie. Hands trembling he grasped the pastry and grunted “Thanks” and walked away.

He left the dilapidated apartment building walking toward the old unused tool shed. He opened the rotting door. He was greeted by a musty breeze with a hint of motor oil and the sight of an array of rusty tools. Looking over each and every tool, he pondered the possibilities. As he skimmed each tool he muttered to himself, “no, no, not painful enough…perhaps the toenails…hmmm…” He was about to settle on a pair of pliers but he was interrupted.

The grounds manager was walked by. He noticed the open door of the shed, an unusual sight, and walked over to investigate. Marcus shivered, glancing around for a way out. But none was there but the way he came in. “Need any help?” asked the man as he walked through the door.

“No, no, looking for some…ehhr…hedge clippers…I guess there’s none here…” Marcus replied.

“Yeah, one of those damn new residents has been stealing tools out’a here.” said the man as he shook his head in an angry manor.

“Well I’m off.” Marcus shouted as he jogged away in a rush.
• • •

So it had come that Marcus would confront his father for years of mistreatment. Mr. Hickory and Marcus left the apartment to pay a visit to Marcus’s father. Marcus and Hickory entered the broken down shack, the scene of all but one too many drunken altercations on part of his father. Holes in the walls from drunken stupors neglected on preference to pickling his liver black riddled the scene.

The death of Marcus’s mother left more than he emotionally damaged. Marcus with Mr. Hickory came upon his father, blacked out upon the table, bottle in hand. Mr. Hickory spoke, “This is it, make him pay for what he’s done to you.” Ever moment from the past seventeen years came flooding back in an instant, and for that moment everything went red, as he unloaded seventeen years of aggression into the back of his fathers head.

Weeks later the home was only known as a crime scene, Marcus nowhere to be found. The only details, a man, skull caved in, who simply loved the sauce too much, and a blood soaked baseball bat with bold magic marker scribed along the side leaving only the cryptic message, “Mr. Hickory.”

Dude, that was awewsome. Nice job. The paragraph where you talk about him anticipating going to his job at the bakery, you accidentally put "t" instead of to. Also for those bullets you put for separation of time you should make them centered. You probably already have but it just doesn't center them here. And when a person talks, you start that as a new paragraph. Each time its someone different talking.

if you need a distraction hand them a milk carton. if wont work if it has no cow like CROWLEY milk. those basturds.

makar72 wrote:

Dude, that was awewsome. Nice job. The paragraph where you talk about him anticipating going to his job at the bakery, you accidentally put "t" instead of to. Also for those bullets you put for separation of time you should make them centered. You probably already have but it just doesn't center them here. And when a person talks, you start that as a new paragraph. Each time its someone different talking.

Thanks. I did fix all of those issues. For some reason when i pasted the text it did not put all the paragraph breaks so the dialogue got messed up...